Let My Heart Be Broken

Psalm 51:17
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, a broken and a contrite heart— These, O God, You will not despise.

Bob Pierce was a fiery Youth for Christ evangelist who became well-known as a preacher following World War II. After preaching at a mission school in China in 1947, a little girl named White Jade received Jesus and rushed home to tell her family. In response, they disowned her and threw her out of her house. The little girl turned to a missionary for help, but she already had six children in her care. The missionary told Pierce, “Give me five dollars a year, and I will take care of her.” Pierce agreed, and that was the catalyst for him to start World Vision in 1950.

After China, Pierce visited South Korea, where mothers and children wandered the streets in the bitter cold after their husbands left to fight in the war. Appalled by the suffering he saw, Pierce wrote in his Bible, “Let my heart be broken by the things that break the heart of God.” That became his life’s theme—and mine.

When I first became homeless in 2004, I had little or no compassion for the thousands of homeless in my city. In fact, I considered them dangerous, which they often are, due to the addictions and mental illnesses that afflict so many of them. I can only remember a few times when I felt brave enough to give money or food or clothing to any of them.

And suddenly, I was one of them. I ended up living at a poor, tiny church for nine months, where they started a women’s shelter so I would have a place to stay. Once I was there, we were able to bring in other homeless women. I slept with them, ate with them, gave them rides and money, cried with them, and taught them about the Bible.

Two years later, I am still coming out of homelessness. I have been living in a transitional shelter (9 month program) with six of my children and my time there has expired. I haven’t earned a decent income (above poverty level) for almost a year. I’ve applied for over a hundred jobs and started a couple of different businesses, but nothing worked. I find I am totally unmotivated to make money, which is surprising to me. Not too long ago, I remembered Bob Pierce’s desire and began asking God to break MY heart with the things that break HIS heart.

And suddenly I had two job offers. One was to be Operations Manager at a Christian company (a job I thought I would really love), the other as a software trainer and support specialist with a nonprofit. At first, the Christian company offered me more money, and I accepted. But then they reduced their offer to the same amount as the nonprofit. And I began to think. Where could God use me the most? I called accepted the job at the nonprofit, even though it pays less than half what I was making a couple of years ago.

My second week at my new job, I found a survey my organization did of motel families in Anaheim. They interviewed over 892 people. Many refused to be interviewed for fear of being kicked out of their room. As I read the report I started weeping. These were hard-working families, many with family members who suffered from addictions or mental illnesses. Surprisingly, the majority were white, not minorities (Anaheim has a large Hispanic population). Even a cheap motel is more expensive than an apartment, so they poured all their money into motel rooms and were never able to save for first month’s rent and a deposit. All of the motel owners and residents believed the law required them to move every 30 days, adding to their instability and misery. That law was rescinded 3 years ago, but no one knows it.

As I was crying (and I’m crying now at my desk as I think about it), I realized why God brought me here. It isn’t about the money—my income is so low that I was told by a low-income housing complex that I would have to DOUBLE it to qualify. (God has such a sense of humor!) It’s about what God wants to do through me here. In addition to training shelter employees how to use a software system to track their clients, my boss has asked me to represent our organization as an advocate for the homeless by sitting on the Kennedy Commission for affordable housing (one of the biggest issues for everyone in my county). Every day, I feel completely blessed to be here. I know I am here for a bigger purpose than supporting my family, and God is more than able to make up the shortfall income. In fact, the next time I write the Breads, I guarantee I will have an awesome praise report about how He has miraculously provided for us.

Let your heart be broken by the things that break the heart of God. You won’t regret it.

Cathleen

Asking and Thanking

Philippians 4:6-7
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

Psalm 37:4-5
Delight yourself also in the LORD, and He shall give you the desires of your heart.Commit your way to the LORD, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass.

I’ve known these scriptures backwards and forwards for years. Sometimes I just don’t act like it! Just before Christmas, I decided to really start taking God seriously by making my “requests” known to Him, with thanksgiving. So I made a list of things I’m trusting the Lord for and started thanking Him every day for providing them. As I prayed, I crossed a few things off the list and added a few more. I can’t tell you all of them (too much information, as my kids say), but just a few include:

--Returning ALL my children to me (one son is still in legal guardianship with another family)
--My house (we currently live in a 1-1/2 bedroom apartment)
--My new car (the old van had 152,000 miles on it and I couldn’t afford to even replace the leaky radiator, so going anywhere was a challenge)
--My new job
--My new husband
--Full-time ministry
--Christian schools for all the kids

Those are some of the desires of my heart. Like I said, I started thanking God for every one of them on a daily basis. A couple of weeks after I started doing this, my parents insisted on buying me a new (2002) van. It was totally unexpected. In fact, they paid cash for it before I even saw it!

By the first week of January, I had not just one job offer, but two (more on that tomorrow).

I am currently in the process of choosing between a 3-bed, 3-bath condo and a 3-bedroom house to rent.

I grew up thinking God was quick to punish and slow to bless. I used to think it was “selfish” to ask for things I truly wanted. But as I look at my own children, I realize how much it blesses me to bless them—and God is certainly a much more loving parent than I am.

Don’t be afraid to ask God for the deepest desires of your heart—He is your “Abba” Daddy! If your desires aren’t in line with His will, He will change those desires. But let HIM do the changing. Don’t talk yourself out of blessings before you even ask.

Your sister in Christ,
Cathleen

Proverbs 3:5-6

Proverbs 3:5-6

5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
6 In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths.

If you’re facing an impossible situation with no human way out, I want to encourage you today that God has everything under control—as long as you continue to trust in Him.

I quit my job right after Thanksgiving. I had been selling timeshares for about three months, trying with all my heart to succeed—but I just couldn’t do it. I found myself longing to tell people about Jesus, not about timeshares. And I sometimes talked them out of attending the 90-minute presentation that would get me paid because I knew the 3-day, 2-night trip to Oahu they would receive was really two days of travel and one short day of sightseeing—hardly enough time to even catch your breath.

When the company reduced my hours to 15 per week and moved me from a booth inside a retail store to standing outside on a sidewalk across the street from Disneyland’s California Adventure themepark, I just couldn’t do it anymore. I literally could not go to work one more day. So I requested prayer at church, and then I quit.

I didn’t work for 10 weeks. Understand that I am a single mom, and right now I have six children living with me. This meant I went through Christmas and half of January with no income. One thing I learned during this time is that God is the source of my supply, not a job. I continued looking for a job, but I seemed to hit obstacles at every turn, including a two-week period when all my children were seriously ill with strep throat. And yet God miraculously sustained me through unexpected income and the kindness of Christian brothers and sisters.

In January, things finally started to break loose. I ended up with two job offers instead of one. I accepted the higher salary offer to become operations manager for an entrepreneurial start-up. It sounded like the job of my dreams. A few days later, they lowered their salary offer by $3,000, so I ended up accepting the other offer (for the same salary) from a non-profit. My job is to train the employees at all the homeless shelters in my county to use software that tracks how many homeless people they are helping. If they don’t use the software, they lose all their HUD funding (job security for me). I will also be acting as an advocate for the homeless with private and government organizations.

The point is, don’t trust in a job to support you. The time may come when that job isn’t there—but God will still be there, and He never fails. And don’t be surprised if He redirects you from what seems like the safe, logical thing to something else. I’ve wanted to work for a nonprofit for many, many years. I have two certificates in nonprofit management, but I’ve never seriously pursued a nonprofit job because the pay is too low. Once I saw how God miraculously sustained me and my family with no income, I don’t have a hard time believing He can sustain me with a meager income (less than half of what I was making a couple of years ago). I’m excited about my job for the first time in years, and I know with total assurance that I am right where He wants me.

Cathleen

He Sent His Word

Psalm 107:19-20

Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble, And He saved them out of their distresses.He sent His word and healed them, And delivered them from their destructions.
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I should have known better. Over the past two months, I have suffered with a very painful infection that made it difficult to sit or walk. I know God can heal—I have been miraculously healed more than once. And I did what I knew I should—I went to the pastor and elders of my church, who anointed me with oil, laid hands on me, and prayed for me, just as James 5:14-15 says to.

The symptoms did start to go away for a few days, but a week later they came back. I was devastated. I couldn’t think of any unconfessed sin or unforgiveness in my life. I was reading the Bible, praying, and worshiping God ever day. What was I doing wrong?

Finally, I went back for another “dose” of prayer. This time, after the elder anointed me and laid hands on me he said, “You need to be in the word!” Now, I knew I was reading the Bible more than most of my Christian friends, and I go to church three or more times a week, so I felt a little defensive when he said that. But when I really thought about it, I realized I wasn’t being as diligent about using the word to “attack” my sickness as I should be.

So I went to my church bookstore and bought a little booklet by Gloria Copeland called, “God’s Prescription for Divine Health.” Something she wrote in there really grabbed me. She said if she got too busy to call out healing scriptures for just a couple of days, suddenly she would find she was too sick to get out of bed.

I began calling out the scriptures in that little booklet three times a day. The first couple of days, I didn’t feel anything. But by the third day, I noticed I really felt the presence of the Holy Spirit when I was calling them out, and my symptoms were disappearing. A couple of days later, they were almost completely gone. When I get too tired or too busy to call them out, those symptoms start appearing again, and I go right back to the word. If you're suffering right now, start fighting back with the Word.

Cathleen

Godless Judgment: (By: Max Lucado- In the Grip of Grace) Part 1

Romans 2:1 You therefore have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge the other, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things.

If we take a look at Jeffrey Dahmer and ask ourselves what disturbs us most about him? The list would go on about his seventeen murders. Eleven corpses were found in his apartment. He cut off arms and ate body parts. He redefined the boundary for brutality. No sign of remorse. No hint of regret. For some the most disturbing fact would be his conversion. Months before an inmate murdered him, (we have been told) that Jeffrey Dahmer became a Christian. Said he repented. Was sorry for what he did. Profoundly sorry. Said he put his faith in Christ Was baptized. Started his life over. Began reading Christian books and attending chapel. Sins washed. Soul cleansed. Past forgiven.

Maybe you have the same reservations. If not about Jeffrey Dahmer perhaps about someone else. Ever wrestled with the deathbed conversion of a rapist or the eleventh hour conversion of a child molester? We've sentenced them, maybe not in a court, but in our hearts. They are forever imprisoned by our disgust. And then, the impossible happened, they repent. Our response? We cross our arms and furrow our brows and say, "God won't let you off that easy". Not after what you did. God is kind but he is no wimp. Grace is for average sinners like me, not deviants like you."

And for proof we might turn to Romans 1. "God's anger is being shown against..." And then Paul lists it all...sexual sin, evil, selfishness, hatred, jealousy, murder. We want to shout go get 'em, Paul. It is about time someone spoke out against sin. We'll stand by you Paul! We decent, law abiding folk are with you.

Paul's response? "If you think that leaves you on the high ground where you can point fingers at others, think again. Every time you criticize someone, you condemn yourself. It takes one to know one. Romans 2:1

We aren't good enough to judge. Can the hungry accuse the beggar? Can the sick mock the ill? Can the blind judge the deaf? Can the sinner condemn the sinner? No. Only One can judge and that One is neither writing nor reading this book.

My prayer is that we understand that only by His Grace we are saved...not by our works but by His amazing Grace and Love. For we all fall short. We all need a Savior! Blessings to all my brothers and sister's in Christ. May His light shine through you!

Max and Tammy