Isaiah 40:27-31

Isaiah 40:27-31 (New King James Version)
27Why do you say, O Jacob,
And speak, O Israel:
"My way is hidden from the LORD,
And my just claim is passed over by my God"?
28Have you not known?
Have you not heard?
The everlasting God, the LORD,
The Creator of the ends of the earth,
Neither faints nor is weary.
His understanding is unsearchable.
29He gives power to the weak,
And to those who have no might
He increases strength.
30Even the youths shall faint and be weary,
And the young men shall utterly fall,
31But those who wait on the LORD
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint.

My 12-month court review was two days after I came to stay with Sheri. That morning, Sheri offered to pick up my two older daughters (the ones in the worst foster care situation) and drive us to court. When we got there, we found out the hearing had been delayed because my ex-husband was ill. But that was no problem for God.

When my daughters’ attorney heard that I was living with Sheri, she asked her, “What is your role in this situation?” Sheri explained that I was staying with her and that she was willing to take in my two daughters as well. Suddenly there was a flurry of activity. The attorneys, the social worker, and the judge all agreed that the girls could go home with me that same day, even though no background check had been run on Sheri yet. They arranged for Sheri to get fingerprinted and have a home inspection that afternoon.

The days that followed were a blur of miracles, large and small. They were like little “love gifts” from God to me. I needed clothes to go on job interviews, and Sheri gave me four suits she was about to donate to charity. The day after the girls came to stay with us, her church had an all-day parenting workshop—really good timing for both Sheri and me. Custom Comfort, a Christian mattress company, donated twin beds for the girls. Sheri bought desks, chairs, and bookshelves for their rooms. With Sheri’s help, I was able to get my van repaired, “smogged,” and registered the day my registration expired.

I think my greatest lesson in all this is that when I ran out of strength, faith, hope, and resources, God was still there. He still loved me. He gave me the strength to keep going. And He never stopped working on my behalf, even when it seemed nothing would ever change.

Cathleen

Psalm 13

Psalm 13

1How long, O LORD? Will You forget me forever?
How long will You hide Your face from me?
2How long shall I take counsel in my soul,
Having sorrow in my heart daily?
How long will my enemy be exalted over me?
3Consider and hear me, O LORD my God;
Enlighten my eyes, Lest I sleep the sleep of death.

Have you ever wondered why God doesn’t answer our prayers right away? Could something be going on behind the scenes that has nothing to do with us?

The Sunday after I moved in with Sheri, we stood up in front of my little church to share our testimony. Sheri said the Lord had first spoken to her about me back in October, when she was reading one of my Breads. At that time, Sheri said, “I disobeyed God. I told Him, ‘I don’t even know where she lives. She could live anywhere in the United States.’ But the next time Cathleen wrote the Breads, she said right there that she lived in Costa Mesa, and the Lord told me, “There goes your last excuse!”

Do you know what’s amazing? The first time I attended that little church was October 17, the same month the Lord first spoke to Sheri about me. That’s when I had to move out of the shelter at my previous church. All the women laid hands on me and prayed for me that day. One sister had a word from the Lord that He was going to provide a home for me and my children. I believed her. But then the weeks stretched into months, and still nothing from God. Had He forgotten me? Was it all just wishful thinking?

No, He was just working out all the details and putting everything into place. It reminds me of the story of a mom who was driving through a fast-food restaurant with her little girl. They had to wait several minutes for their order, and the little girl became impatient. “Mommy, what’s taking so long?” she asked. “Honey, we ordered a special burger with special sauce. Special things just take a little longer to make, and they’re worth the wait.”

That’s the important thing to remember.

Cathleen

Psalm 43:5

Psalm 43:5 Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God; For I shall yet praise Him, The help of my countenance and my God.

The following Wednesday, I was driving to a Bible study when I got a call from Sheri, the lady who offered to let me stay with her. She said, “Why don’t you come spend the night at my house after the Bible study.” I hesitated because it had been an emotional week for me (one year of being homeless), and I didn’t know if I could handle an unfamiliar situation. But she convinced me it was a good idea (and I didn’t have a good excuse!) so I accepted her invitation.

It was around 10 pm when I finally got there. Sheri’s house was breathtakingly beautiful. It’s in a gated community with a spectacular view. It’s one of the biggest houses I’ve ever been in—five huge bedrooms, three baths. And everything inside looks prettier than a model home.

After giving me the tour, Sheri said, “I’d like you to stay here, if you like. And I’d like to bring at least a few of your children here, too.”

I was speechless. She went on to explain, “The moment I left our lunch, right after I told you I didn’t want to bring your children here, the Lord told me, “Sheri, it’s the children, too!”

That night, as I went to sleep in my beautiful new room, I said, “Lord, this is so strange. I feel like Cinderella.” And I heard Him say, “Get used to it. This is how I WANT you to live.”

Are you feeling cast down or forgotten by God? Don’t ever stop hoping in Him. He WILL give you a reason to praise Him. How long will it take God to come through? I have a little insight on that, too. More tomorrow.

Cathleen

Isaiah 43:16-19

Isaiah 43:16-19 (New King James Version)
16Thus says the LORD, who makes a way in the sea
And a path through the mighty waters,
17Who brings forth the chariot and horse,
The army and the power
(They shall lie down together, they shall not rise;
They are extinguished, they are quenched like a wick):
18"Do not remember the former things,
Nor consider the things of old.
19Behold, I will do a new thing,
Now it shall spring forth;
Shall you not know it?
I will even make a road in the wilderness
And rivers in the desert.

About the same time that I got mad at God, I received an email from a Bread reader. She said she lived in Orange—not far from where I work and go to church—and she wanted to have lunch with me.

As it turned out, we couldn’t connect for about another week. When we finally met, we shared our testimonies of what God had done in our lives. In the previous five years, her very successful career stalled when her company relocated to Milwaukee. After that, her father died, then her mother died, and finally her husband died of a brain tumor. And yet she had the joy and peace and strength of the Lord.

After more than two hours together talking about the Lord, she said, “Cathleen, I feel like the Lord is asking me to open up my house to you. Now, I’ve never had any children, so I don’t think I want any of your kids there…”

“Oh, that’s fine,” I answered. I wouldn’t expect that from you. But it’s a very nice offer. I’ll pray about it.” She asked for a list of references and I gave them to her. To be honest, I wasn’t expecting much.

But that Sunday, my pastor told me she had called him to check my references. “I am so excited,” he said. “God is going to do a new thing in your life. I know this is from the Lord, so whatever you do, don’t turn it down!” I had no idea what he was talking about.

A “new thing.” That’s what I needed from God. I thought of Isaiah 43:19, but I was still afraid to get my hopes up in case it didn’t work out. I was still remembering “the former things, the things of old.” But still, I felt a spark of hope. Maybe God really WAS going to do something different in my life. And maybe He is going to do something different in your life too.

Cathleen

Isaiah 54:5

Isaiah 54:5 For your Maker is your husband, The LORD of hosts is His name; And your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel; He is called the God of the whole earth.

The last time I wrote the Breads was at the end of December. At that time I was just three weeks away from a 12-month review in court, at which time the judge could put five of my children up for adoption. And I still didn’t have a home or enough income to support my family.

In fact, it seemed like my life was taking a turn for the worse. I was sleeping a few nights at a time on someone’s sofa or floor or in my car. My income was starting to dry up again. I had been turned down by two transitional housing programs. And, worst of all, it was becoming increasingly clear that most of my children were not in very good foster home situations. My two oldest daughters (12 and 16) were desperately unhappy and threatening to run away. The social worker was unable to find a new foster home, and the foster parents repeatedly refused to attend meetings to try to resolve the issues. My daughters broke down in tears every week on our visits. But all I could say was, “Honey, I can’t change this. Only God can. We have to keep trusting Him.”

When I first separated from my abusive husband 3-1/2 years ago, a wonderful Christian sister gave me Isaiah 54:5 to hang onto. “God is your Husband and Provider,” she said. “He won’t forsake you. He’s a better husband than any man could be. Don’t forget that!”

January 15 was the one-year anniversary of my being homeless. A week or so before that, I was driving alone in my van one morning, after a restless night in a very cold house on a very hard floor, when my friend’s words rang in my head. He’s my Husband. God is my Husband.

And something snapped inside me. I got mad. I cried. And I admit it, I yelled at God. "I don't see how you're getting any glory from me still being homeless. I know this was all for a bigger purpose, to prepare me for something else--but I'm done with this, Lord. You're my only Husband. What husband would leave his wife on the streets when He owns all the resources in the universe?? How can I keep telling people how awesome You are if you don’t do anything for me? I refuse to believe you aren’t going to help me. But I need You to do something FAST!"

And, as clear as if He were sitting right next to me, I heard Him ask me, “Do you still trust Me?” “Yes, Lord,” I answered. “I’ve never met a man I could trust, but I know I can trust You. But if You don’t do something, I won’t have much of a testimony to share with people! My reputation is shot. But, for YOUR Name’s sake, please do something!”

And He did. More about that this week. If you are facing something too big, too messy, too painful for you to fix, remember Isaiah 54:5. Hang onto it like a drowning man hangs onto a life preserver. Refuse to stop trusting Him no matter how bad things look. He will not let you down.

Cathleen